Fergie’s Fall

As an Englishman living in New York, I’ve become rather ambivalent towards the Royal Family over the years. The latest scandal rocking Buckingham Palace hasn’t changed my attitude.

The Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson (a.k.a “Fergie”) was just caught in a mortifying tabloid trap. Fergie met with a reporter posing as a businessman who said he was willing to pay handsomely for precious access to her ex-husband, Prince Andrew (who happens to be the fourth in line for the throne).

Alas, evidence captured on hidden video reveals that the Duchess was more than willing to cooperate — if she was paid $40,000 up front, in cash, and £500,000 more later.

To us “commoners,” the situation is baffling. Hasn’t the high profile Duchess made millions of dollars as a Weight Watchers spokesperson and popular children’s author, to name just one of her business ventures?

Stranger still, we’ve learned that, while Prince Andrew is a member of one of the world’s richest families, Fergie’s divorce settlement reportedly nets her only $21,000 a year.

The Duchess’s public life hasn’t been entirely free of public stumbles. The British media is particularly keen to mock her unpaid debts, her latest charity fads, and her every attempt to forge yet another “career.”

Less attention is paid to the efforts made by the Duke and Duchess to create a somewhat “normal” upbringing (in aristocratic terms, at least) for their two children. After a fire destroyed Fergies’s manor home in 2008, she and the children moved into the Royal Lodge with her ex-prince. (Andrew has reportedly assured Fergie that he has no intention of kicking her out, post-scandal.)

The Duchess may still have a roof over her head, but her attempt to make a quick buck may have cost her even more than she’d hoped to “earn.” She’d landed recently landed a £300,000 deal for three television documentaries, but now “a TV source” told the media that, “She’s an embarrassment and has been axed. It’s not clear whether she’ll be able to work again.” No doubt the fallout from Fergie’s lapse in judgment will continue to grow.

The Duchess has thrown away more than most people ever get, and now she has behaved foolishly once again. However, some blame must also lie with the devious undercover tabloid reporter who conducted a sting operation on a woman with notoriously poor judgment who is thought to be drowning in debt.

The Torah states (Leviticus 19:14): “You shall not curse the deaf nor place a stumbling block before the blind; you shall fear your God — I am your Lord.”

Now, the word “blind” can be seen a metaphor, representing someone who is ignorant, foolish or, shall we say, “morally blind.” Thus we are admonished not to take advantage of such people, no matter how tempting it may be. We sometimes assure ourselves that we are merely “teaching the other person a lesson” when we do so, but isn’t that just a rationalization we use because we want to look superior?

On this verse in Leviticus, Nemaha Leibowitz the renowned Bible teacher once noted that:

“The Torah teaches us that even by sitting at home doing nothing, by complete passivity and divorcement from society, one cannot shake off responsibility for what is transpiring in the world at large… By not protesting… danger spots, you have become responsible for any harm arising therefrom, and have violated the prohibition: ‘Thou shalt not put a stumbling block before the blind…’”

So we cannot shrug off mean-spirited attacks on anyone, no matter their position in society. Placing temptation in the path of a weak person is wrong, no matter the excuse or the target. Sadly, our tabloid culture has played a part in breaking our moral compass.

In the wake of the scandal, Fergie stoically appeared at BookExpo in New York, to promote her new series.

Her forthcoming “Helping Hand Books” are intended to “help children understand personal and social issues that affect them growing up, including starting school, coping with bullying and learning about strangers.”

Clearly, Fergie herself needs to learn a few lessons about avoiding “strangers.” My advice to her is to take some time for introspection and rejuvenation. Now that would be a story worth reading about.

Simcha Weinstein is an internationally known, best-selling author. His first book Up, Up and Oy Vey!, received the Benjamin Franklin Award for the best book of 2007. He has appeared on CNN Showbiz Tonight and NPR, and has been profiled in leading publications, including The New York Times, The Miami Herald and The London Guardian. He is a regular contributor to The Jerusalem Post and The Jewish Telegraphic Agency (JTA), and other publications. He chairs the Religious Affairs Committee at the renowned New York art school, Pratt Institute. His latest book Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st century (Barricade Books: 2008) is out now.

Homer in the Holy Land!

Sure, Israel has been under a lot of pressure lately from the Obama administration, but that’s nothing. It recently survived the biggest challenge in its history when the Simpons family landed at Ben Gurion Airport.

The first family of American comedy ventured to the Holy Land in a new episode called “The Greatest Story Ever D’ohed.” Leave it to the hapless Homer to do the impossible: uniting Jews, Christians and Muslims together – in outrage.

It all starts when Homer’s born-again Christian neighbor Ned Flanders invites the Simpson family to join his Bible study group on a tour of Jerusalem.

“Hmm, let me think,” muses Homer. “Take my family to a war zone, on a bus with religious lame-o’s, in a country with no pork, in a desert with no casino…”

But his devoted wife Marge insists that the whole family schlep over to Isreal for the trip of a lifetime.

As usual, this episode of The Simpsons was packed plethora of cringe-inducing gags, including the “Israel Airlines” plane coming down on a drinking glass (like the groom at a Jewish wedding – get it?), a hotel named the “Wailing Waldorf,” and even a gutter cleaner — wait for it — fiddling on a roof.

(Personally, I wasn’t thrilled by one sight gag: the sign over baggage claim reading, “Israel: Your American tax dollars at work.”)

The Simpsons are joined by cocky Israeli tour guide named Jacob, voiced by Sacha Baron Cohen. (This actually makes sense, since the very Jewish Cohen spent the entire movie Borat speaking a “foreign language” that was actually Hebrew – an in-joke lost on almost all viewers.)

When Jacob takes the group to the Wailing Wall, Homer and Bart argue about how to place written prayers between the rocks. Being an incorrigible brat, Bart pulls out some of the notes and reads them:

“Sad. Sad. Never gonna happen. Sad. Maybe if you were Brad Pitt.”

Next stop is the Church of the Holy Sepulchre, where Ned prays that Homer finds some meaning in the tour — then discovers Homer taking a shluf on the tomb.

“Homer, this is the most sacred spot in Christendom,” Flanders says, “not your backyard hammock.”

Homer: “I’m sorry. It’s just that these tours are so exhausting. You’re jet-lagged, you’re walking around all day, it’s so hard to sleep knowing Marge and the kids are all stuck in one small room. It’s so nice and cool in the Tomb of the Unknown Savior.”

Flanders: “Unknown?! This is the tomb of the most famous man who ever lived.”

Homer: “Porky Pig?”

With that, the normally mild mannered Flanders loses his Christian cool with Homer — and as a result, he’s the one banned for life from the Church of the Holy Sepulcher! Meanwhile Homer, thinking that Ned is wandering alone in the desert, rides off on a camel to save him and soon becomes lost in a sandstorm.

While feeling the effects of dehydration, Homer starts singing about how thirsty he is, to the famous musical signature from Lawrence of Arabia.

In a haze, Homer makes his way to the salty Dead Sea — clearly not the best place to quench your thirst. There, he’s confronted with a vision: a pickle, tomato and carrot – that is, the creatures from the “Veggie Tales”— who proclaim Homer the messiah.

Back in civilization, Dr. Hibbert diagnoses Homer with Jerusalem Syndrome, “the name given to religious delusions or psychoses that occur when people visit Jerusalem.”

(And I should know: about a decade ago, I made a trip to Israel and decided to give up my successful film production career to become a rabbi. “D’oh” is right!)

The episode ends with Homer standing at the Dome of the Rock, exhorting an interfaith crowd to forget their theological differences and become “ChrisMuJews.” He even tries to unite the masses through a universal message of “peace and chicken,” since at least all three Abrahamic faiths approve of eating that particular variety of poultry.

It’s a cute joke, but even though Homer is begging Christians, Muslims and Jews to put aside their differences, he didn’t actually specify what those differences are. Perhaps not surprisingly for a 30-minute comedy show, The Simpson’s experiences in Jerusalem didn’t touch on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Of course, another animated comedy show, South Park, has gotten itself into a lot of trouble lately for daring to mock those religious “differences,” particularly Muslim extremism. So The Simpsons deserve credit for showing their solidarity with another cartoon. Every episode opens with bad boy Bart Simpson writing lines on a chalkboard as punishment; this time the lines said, “South Park – We’d stand beside you, if we weren’t so scared.”

Simcha Weinstein is an internationally known best-selling author. His first book, Up, Up and Oy Vey! received the Benjamin Franklin Award for the best book of 2007. He has appeared on CNN “Showbiz Tonight,” and NPR, and has been profiled in leading publications including The New York Times, The Miami Herald and the London Guardian. He is a regular contributor to the Jerusalem Post and Jewish Telegraphic Agency (JTA). He chairs the Religious Affairs Committee at the renowned New York art school, Pratt Institute. His latest book Shtick Shift: Jewish Humor in the 21st century (Barricade Books: 2008) is on sale now.